Word Alive

Well, my notes, such as they are, from the talks I went to at Word Alive are available here.

All in all it was a great week. I knew I'd not be able to go to everything and I know some friends thought I shouldn't go at all...but, I can't explain it, I knew that I'd be better off there than not at all. I was longing, after a month spent pretty much in bed, for some fellowship and teaching. After a month where my concentration levels had been such that I couldn't take much in at all and had been to church once, I was longing to sit and be taught from God's word. My soul was thirsting after Him.

It was a long journey, but I was prepared for it and we stopped enough times to break it up. And besides, didn't hurt that much at all really, praise the Lord!

I found Tuesday difficult, which took me by surprise. Left in the chalet on my own while everyone else went out and finding it difficult to concentrate on what I was reading, I couldn't do much but lie there. I'd been looking forward to that time so much. You'd think after a month of not seeing many people I'd be longing to be with them all - and obviously to an extent I did! But I'd been waiting for time by myself, when I felt I could concentrate more, to spend with God. But Tuesday I just couldn't concentrate, and then I started to think that maybe people were right, I shouldn't have gone at all. I was just wishing I could be with everyone else, then getting annoyed at myself for being like that because before I went I knew that I'd spend a lot of time on my own...

But oh, God's grace. And the value of friends who make you step back and realise that you're creating a big deal of a small situation and need to be focused on God!

Wednesday I felt better. I was enjoying myself. I was enjoying everyone being out in meetings or wherever they were, and me being in on my own. OK, so I couldn't read an awful lot at a time but I could read SOMETHING. And I could serve. And I could pray. I could pray for my friends, that the words they were hearing would impact their hearts. That they'd come back at lunch time more on fire for God than when they woke up that morning, that God would really be stirring them and teaching them.

And then, I went to casualty! Which seemed like another setback. I really didn't wanna go, partly because I thought that if I went to casualty it was like admitting I was wrong, that I really shouldn't have gone to WA. Oh my stubborn heart! I'm so proud!

The next two days were rather up and down. I was so glad I was there and was enjoying going to what I could go to, and was really enjoying hearing people talk about what they'd been to, what they'd heard, what they'd learnt, fun they'd had....I wasn't jealous at all, just plain happy for them!

But at the same something was nagging away at me telling me I shouldn't have gone. I felt like a burden.

But again, I need listen only to God's grace and His love. I chatted it through with a friend on Saturday night which did wonders for me, and as I chatted it through with God I realised that I am glad I went.

So glad.

As I just typed up my notes I realised that I've learnt things which are invaluable for my walk with Him. And not just in the meetings.

I learnt once more that focusing on God's word seems to just make the pain go away!
I learnt again that His love is unconditional and that when I'm longing for Him and I'm desperately trying, striving to get close to Him and I feel like I'm on a running machine - my legs are pounding but I'm not going anywhere - that sometimes I have to just stop running and sit. And when I sit, I'm not hearing the pounding of me feet against the ground, I'm hearing only His voice, which tells me He loves me and that I am safe in His arms. He tells me that it's His strength I need to get through this time, and it's His strength I've got.

And I learnt again to rely on others! I learnt the value of the family I'm part of. To accept help when it's offered and not to feel guilty or worry about putting people out - because if roles were reversed I pray I'd have the same grace and love to do the same.

And I learnt again the value of - and joy that is found in - praying for others. Taking time out away from the crowd and not being jealous that I can't join in, but loving the fact that I can pray for my brothers and sisters in whatever they're doing, and that God would break into their lives in a new way, revealing more of Himself to them.

So yeah, pretty glad I went...!