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Thursday, October 06, 2005

a collection of thoughts

I'm still working towards setting up another blog specifically for things i've done this summer, but until i have such time as to do that, i thought i'd post something which better explains my Barcelona/summer experience...
When i got back from Barcelona i had about 3 hours to wait around in London Victoria until my bus home....I spent the time drinking hot chocolate and reading the Bible, and collecting my thoughts, doing some writing... part of what i wrote was what follows. It was my attempt to put into words how i was feeling, and becomes a prayer, but it explains how i felt just 2 hours after landing. Just in case you're interested...!

.....................

I've learnt SO much. Not just in Barcelona but all summer. But Barcelona represents the culmination of an amazing summer with God. I've got a lot of questions, too! But i think - i know - that this means i'm moving forward with God. It's so exciting. He's working in me and i can feel it. I don't know exactly what He's doing - at least, not all of it - but i can really FEEL Him working. And i'm tempted to be nervous, to feel worried, because i don't know where He's leading me and all of a sudden i'm not certain about my future after graduation and i'm struggling to know God's will. But why should i worry? Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God". And I can be so still in His presence, in perfect peace. And it's kinda exciting not knowing what God's gonna do next. He's done things in me this summer I never imagined. Taken me places - physically as well as spiritually!! - that I never thought I'd go!
I have much to contemplate.
But I really am filled with a glorious and inexpressible joy!
But to a certain extent Ii can express it. Oh God, help me express it! I've loved every minute of the mission and service I've been involved in this summer. And Barcelona was the culmination. I was SO encouraged by the team, the students - challenged by them too. And the family I stayed with - such a blessing!
God worked wonders and I was able to be part of that - praise the Lord oh my soul!
I was able to do questionnaires, to fully experience God working through me, to explain my faith, to reveal Jesus' love to people and to leave them with Him when I could do no more.
I was into the word, thirsty for wisdom, for more of my God, to be more in tune, to be a blessing to others.
I've made some amazing Christian friends, who have actually told me I've been a blessing....wow, praise God for that!
It's such a joy to know that having the joy of the Lord in my heart and a thirst for Him can encourage others. But it's all for and from Him.
Please God, MORE!
I don't know God's plans for me. I'm struggling with it. I have questions about what I do next year but I trust His Holy name.
Please God, your will be done, not mine. I never thought I'd have these decisions to make. God is surprising! What joy is in my heart.
I pray it continues. I pray it grows.
"Do you think you'll do mission full time?" Every question as such, every mention, every hint from people, every verse I'm given...I'm questionning, Lord. Guide me I pray. I struggle with knowing your will but please don't let me miss the obvious.
And PLEASE God can I be like this at home with my family. Please God, save them. If you can save 9,400 people in New York in one weekend you can save my friends and family. And may I be always longing for your glory. More of you, Lord, more of you. Amen.

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