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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Funny that

OK, so whilst on a break from blogging, two great friends and fellow bloggers have been stealing my thoughts! (That's getting to be a bit of a blogging phrase, Ed!)

Or at least, they've blogged on stuff that kinda made me stop blogging in the first place. I'm not making sense am I. Let me explain properly...

Firstly, Anna's done two posts - "Food, food and more food" and "Ouch" which I could really identify with, challenged and encouraged me. Firstly, the food one - reminded me how much more I need, and indeed want, to get into the Bible. When times are hard or when I'm struggling with doubt I may not feel so much like I want to, but that doesn't negate the need.

In her other post, Anna talks about craving to know more of God. That was something I was experiencing but instead of delighting in the fact that I know the basics - I am saved - and God will reveal more to me as and when I'm ready and as and when He chooses, I got caught up in the fact that there's just so much to learn. There's so much to study. Coupled with my tiredness it all seemed too much and I sunk into apathy, the killer of the soul.

Secondly, Ed posted on honesty. Read it, it's a great post, and well needed. And it's funny that Ed posted on something I was already thinking about - guess you got your own back there mate!

I was going through a bit of a funny time in my relationship with God - I was at war with apathy and I knew that I could say all the right things, and to a large extent meant them, but that didn't mean I was focused on my relationship with Him. I was struggling - mainly due to tiredness and not enough time eating the Word. And certainly due to focusing on myself and my limitations. But nevertheless, I was aware that my blog could become a place where I pretended everything was fine because I desperately want to use this blog to encourage people and for the Lord's glory.
But here's the thing - it is not to God's glory if I am not honest about how I'm feeling. And as Ed said, the most encouraging thing can often be to hear that other Christians are struggling as you are - and what is encouraging is that God brings them through it. So that's why I stopped blogging for a bit. I needed to get my relationship with God back on track. I didn't want to blog about how things were at that time because the other thing I've noticed is that I often can use this blog as my prayer time. I know that sounds ridiculous. It sounds so because it is.

I was struck by how often I will post something - something I genuinely feel about how great God is - but I will post it before even sitting down and thanking Him for it. And then because I've just written a post about what God's taught me or something He's done or stuff I've learnt, I almost feel like I've spent time talking it over with God as well and so then I go about my merry way. I'm shocked and ashamed at myself for doing so. I'm hoping I'm the only one silly enough to do so but thought I'd mention it as a danger! And praise God for revealing it to me and getting me to change my ways.

I didn't want it to be the other way round, where I just blogged my mess of thoughts that wouldn't make any sense until I'd sat down with God and prayed about them.

Praise the Lord that I'm still filled with a passion to know Him more, learn more, speak more, do more. But praise Him for reminding me - through prayer and reading the Bible - that I am not a pharisee and knowledge isn't everything. That I am not God, and therefore I will get tired and I will not know everything. That I am saved by grace, and not by how much I know, or how much I tell people about Jesus, or how much I read the Bible or anything other than grace.

Oh that I may continue to be amazed by grace.

Well, there's honesty for you! I hope it's an encouragement. If anything, it's something I can look back to if I ever get to that point again. I pray I won't. But let's keep rejoicing in our weaknesses, not letting them get us down, or letting our limitations stop us from embracing God. For when we are weak, He is strong. As if the past couple months hadn't taught me anything, I need to recognise more and more just how weak I am and just how much that doesn't matter, because God is strong, and He holds me. So when I'm struggling with something why oh why do I try to solve it by myself?! Or when I feel guilty about that, why oh why do I sink into legalism and trying to earn my way back to God? I don't need to. He has done everything. My salvation is accomplished, and so I need only fall on my knees in thanks and spend my days enjoying the fact that I am forgiven. Hallelujah!

3 Comments:

Blogger FloydTheBarber said...

Good words Ceryn.
I am constantly battling over whether i just want to know more about the Bible, or whether i want it to master me, for it hold me to account, teach me, rebuke me and help me. Not for me to know it in minute detail, but more for me to love it, and Him.
Ah man, looking forward to Quinta.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Bethan said...

Thanks for that Ceryn. :)

2:34 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

I totally know what u mean about not wanting to blog a random selection of thoughts. Blogging is great for making me sort out my thoughts about things, but it must never get to the stage where i'm only motivated to do so because I know other people will read it. First and foremost comes my realationship with God and growing in that.

4:49 PM  

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