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Saturday, June 17, 2006

The morning after the day before and it's all still real - Ceryn Oakes BSc (Hons)

Weird.

So yesterday I got my results. Praise God I was not as nervous as I thought I'd be. I really had to wrestle in prayer over it because whilst I knew that ultimately it didn't matter and was in God's hands anyway, I was really scared!

Walking onto campus I felt less nervous than I did when I went to get Abi and Ros' results last year! And I was praying so much that I wouldn't be disappointed if I got less than I wanted...but also that I wouldn't start secretly hoping God would surprise me with a good result! I prayed and prayed that when I saw the board I'd just be content. And then as I walked past HumSS it really hit me smack between the eyes that at the end of the day this is all meaningless. Yes, my degree is important, yes I have needed to work hard...but it will not last. And it hit me that whaetver my results...they wouldn't last either. And it hit me that everything else I've got out of uni - specifically, the way my relationship with God has developed so much over the past four years - that's the really important bit. Because He is my Rock, and He is forever.

And then I got that 'I feel silly but thankyou Lord SO much' feeling I always get when I finally grasp something I shoulda grasped ages ago. Felt doubly silly, coz that's all the stuff I told my housemates this time last year when they were waiting for their results. How quickly we forget.

So...finally results were posted. And I got a 2:1. I really really couldn't believe it. I checked the board about 6 times...in between giving the others hugs!...then rang mam but as soon as it started to ring I hung up coz I had to go check again!

I cannot put into words how I felt at that moment. Completely undeserving. Completely blessed without really knowing why. Completely elated! But at the same time quite calm. Which felt weird. But then I did pray that I'd just be content when I saw the board!

Our department laid on strawberries and champagne for us. My personal tutor came up for a chat and told me how amazing my result was, bearing the last 4 months in mind. And I think I just looked at her for a bit in a daze. In the end I managed to spurt out "Well, I've just prayed a lot". She looked at me as if I had two heads. But I pray that sticks in her mind!

The rest of the day passed somewhat as a dream. In fact, I did have to come home and have a nap before going out in the evening so some of it was a dream!

And walking through town chatting to Rosie last night, God's goodness hit me again. It hit us both how thankful we are to God for this...and how rubbishly slow we were to thank Him. And I realised that I'd been walking onto campus preparing myself for the worst. And that's why I'd been praying that I'd remember it didn't matter. But then, when I got so much better than I thought I would...the elation of that seemed to take over.

The fact is, it still doesn't matter all that much. I'm very happy, but the glory all totally goes to God. There is no way I could have acheived that result on my own - especially after the last four months of being ill. There's just no way. But He has given me strength and discipline and energy to do work when I've needed to. He's aided my concentration and even though it's been such a slow, frustrating process, He's brought, and is still bringing me, through. And it's clearly the right result for His plan for me. None of this is in my hands. And that makes me feel very good!

I'm sorry for such a mixed up jumble of thoughts. At the end of the day, all I really wanna say, with tears in my eyes, is my friends; God is good. Praise Him. Praise Him for salvation - that's the main thing!

6 Comments:

Blogger Anna said...

WELL DONE CERYN!!! what a wonderful heartfelt post-I am smiling so much as I read it!LOL. I definitely know what u mean about feeling silly sometimes, when God reveals something u already knew but had forgotten, and how amazing that He does remind us time and time again of His Glory! Am so pleased for u mate.

Have fun up North and u when u get back. God Bless xXXX

3:06 AM  
Blogger FloydTheBarber said...

Man, yr mum must've been panicking when you hung up on her... seriously man, well done, its brilperb.

4:57 AM  
Blogger Bethan said...

CONGRATULATIONS CERYN!Fantastic! I'm SO happy for you! :D WOOOHOOO! Have a great weekend. xxxxx

8:01 AM  
Blogger -bb- said...

congrats! enjoy the freedom...the break and take it easy easy easy.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

Congratulations Ceryn :) So pleased for you - and God is amazing!!

x

2:08 AM  
Blogger Timmy C said...

Congrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrats!!! :D

Dead proud of you sis, see you soon for a decent hug :)

3:05 PM  

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