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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

This I also know

SO aware of my sinfulness right now.

Have fallen, and still tempted to fall into guilt. And from guilt to brief stints of self pity and then back to guilt and shame. And all made worse by letting the devil remind me of things that are long past, things that God has forgotten. But the devil tells me I'm not free from them. And so I run away from God. And try to earn my way back because I'm not worthy.

But that's the point.
I'm not worthy. But He is.

And He has defeated death. And so the devil and his lies have no hold over me.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:1-2)

So I know that I am sinful and I am in no way, shape or form worthy to enter God's presence. His holiness and purity and just wrath at my sin should condemn me to eternity in hell. But I also know that Jesus took it all. I stand in God's presence in robes of righteousness because of my Saviour Jesus. And not only that, I call Him Abba, Father. I call Him dad. He calls me daughter.

But at first I tiptoe back. I tentatively open my Bible and long to wholeheartedly (not partially) believe once again the truth of what is contained in its pages. I'm tempted to run - can this REALLY be true?

But I read the words of life and I'm amazed that I ever started to doubt my Lord. I thirst for more of Him. I cry out to God my Father and tell Him I'm sorry. I tell Him once more that I want His glory in my life. I tell Him once more that I want Him in control. And through my tears He leads me back to the cross.

And at the cross I rediscover my meaning. I rediscover my sinfulness, but I gloriously rediscover His grace.

So I know that I am sinful. But it doesn't stop at that. There's more. I also know that Christ is risen. I know what that means. And that is wonderful. Oh, the wonderful cross. The cross which means that it doesn't stop with my sinfulness. It's my sinfulness + the gospel which = God's glory and my salvation. Hallelujah.

This I also know.

That I am full of sin,
Heart and mind within -
This is what I know;

That I too often doubt,
Forget what life's about -
This is what I know;

That I try to run alone
Not knowing where to go -
This is what I know;

That I am helpless, lost
And cannot pay the cost -
This is what I know.

That all my light and truth
Are found only in You -
This I also know;

That You only know the way,
Have counted, planned my days -
This I also know;

That you died and rose again
And so I'm free from shame -
This I also know;

That You, my Saviour, Lord
Have told me I am Yours -
This I also know.


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