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Friday, June 02, 2006

It's all official

This morning I got 'the email' I've been waiting for, giving me information about the kid I'm gonna be seeing for my exam on Monday. I had various dreams last night about what the information would be which thoroughly confused me when I woke up coz I thought I'd already had the info...anyway, enough of my rambling.

The point is, this exam really is happening! And I've been very scared! It's scary anyway but I'm still feeling somewhat fragile and not 100%, getting tired and not able to concentrate; so the thought of an exam that lasts in total about 4 hours was starting to worry me...

But this morning, despite my weird dreams last night and not sleeping very well at all, I felt an immense peace. Now where did that come from I wonder...?!

And then I read this:

"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast in the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light."
Psalm 36:5-9

HOW amazing is that?! And that last line reminded me of Psalm 27:1:-

"The LORD is my light and my salvation -
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life -
of whom shall I be afraid?"

What a waste of time worrying is! I have to admit, even as I write this, I can feel the butterflies starting to rise in my stomach as I think about that exam. BUT - I will yet praise God, I will thank Him for Jesus, I will praise Him that I am saved not according to works but according to Grace (read Galatians!), that I am a child of God...that I am secure in that and only that.

And so I will take every thought captive, and turn it over to my dad. I'll take every fear and lay it at the foot of the cross. I'll sing of the joy that it is to know God.

And if that wasn't enough, not only do I know Him and am known by Him, but He will help me through this exam.

He loves me with a love that is totally indescribable, is totally undeserved, is totally priceless and is totally real. It is the definition of love. And it is for that reason that I do not need to fall into the temptation of worrying about this exam.



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