My Profile | Reload Blog | My 365

Monday, August 28, 2006

Trepidation/Excitement butterflies


Tomorrow is August 29th 2006. What's special about August 29th 2006?

It's been burned into my brain all summer as the day Relay starts.!


Excited? YES! For about a fortnight now I've been really longing for tomorrow. Really really just wanting to get on with it, to get stuck in, to get going. Excited that it's all really happening. Excited at meeting the other Relays. Excited at sharing with them, enjoying fellowship with them, getting excited with them. Excited at seeing Jess, Nu, Ed and Drew (haha it rhymes!) again.

But on the other hand...

I'm scared! (Just a little, mind you.) I'm scared at meeting new people. I'm scared at moving to Portsmouth and living with people I barely know. I'm scared at getting involved in a new and different CU. I'm scared that I'm not going back to Reading. I'm scared about leading a Bible study on Relay 1. I'm scared I'm not gonna be well enough to get enough out of it. I'm scared at being pushed out of my comfort zone. I'm scared I just won't be able to do Relay. I'm scared someone's gonna go "You? A Relay worker?! Uh-uh, someone made a mistake there!"

But one of the things that's been great about getting into Philippians in preparation for the studies is just seeing God's word speak to me afresh. I love Philippians and I've read it SO many times...but this time round I saw/learnt new stuff I'd never seen before, stuff that I really needed. God IS everything we need.

And it's been great to see a bit more of the guy God used to write the letter. Paul, who just lived and breathed Jesus didn't he. It's been great to see how everything Paul says revolves around Jesus, around the gospel. It's been challenging to think, am I like that. It's been encouraging to know that with God's help I can be.

So as I sit here right now I'm very much bopping between one emotion and the other. To be honest, I'm also scared that God's gonna do stuff. That's a good kind of scared though. I WANT God to do stuff in me, to change me. It's just not always easy. I'm longing so much to be at Quinta, because I'm longing to be in fellowship with the people I'm gonna be working alongside for the next year. I'm ready now. (Well I'm not, but I am, if you get what I mean!) I've enjoyed being at home, but I'm ready to get going. God's been teaching me and preparing me so much already, but I know there's SO much more to come - not just in the next two weeks of course - but I know that this two weeks are going to be fundamental to the year ahead; are going to be priceless for my walk with God; are going to challenge me, humble me, excite me, mould me, change me. That's just a little bit scary, yes.

But above all it's exciting. Because, and only because, we have an exciting God.


Post a Comment

<< Home